The One Where I Expose My Highly Embarrassing Beauty Failures But Hopefully Make You Feel Better About Yourself, Who Am I Kidding Everyone Is Better Than Me At This Shit.
My Waterlining Epiphany
I've only just bothered to experiment with lining my waterline this year! Now I'm not telling you my age, but that is fucking late in the scheme of things. I can't believe what a positive difference it makes to the overall look and I'm a bit stroppy I didn't try it, say, I don't know, 20 years ago. I wouldn't have minded appearing 80% sexier throughout my youth, but I guess I'll just have to put up with looking like a smouldering sex kitten now. LOL. PS, I still don't know what tightlining is.
Foundation Brush?
Umm, what's that? I've never applied my foundation with a brush and I don't intend to start now. Despite buying multiple Beauty Blender-like sponges (why buy the real deal when you can get cheap rip-offs, am I right?), I continue to use my trusty fingers for foundation application. They know what they're doing and they don't leave streaks. I do use a small makeup sponge for blending concealer over any redness and under my eyes, though, because I like to pretend I'm a proper person from time to time.
My kind of Baking. Tiny Skiing Teddies FTW! |
Baking? Strobing? WTF?
To me, baking will always and forever be whipping up a batch of chocolate cupcakes, or if I'm feeling extravagant, a banana cake with walnuts and fancy cranberries. Sometimes I'll throw some mixed dried fruit in there if my family haven't pissed me off. In other words, I'm quite happy to completely ignore various beauty trends. Not just 'I can't be stuffed trying that', I mean actual hardcore 'I'm not even Googling that to find out what it is.' Is this being a bad Beauty Blogger? PROBABLY. Do I care? I think you already know the answer to that.
Saint Bernard. Photo Credit - Mary Bloom |
Eyeshadow Confuses Me
I enjoy drugstore palettes that get criticised for low colour pay-off because I'm shit at blending and they make it really hard for me to stuff up. I'm looking at you, Maybelline The Nudes. Don't get me wrong, I do own a few higher end palettes, such as the Too Faced Chocolate Bar and the Urban Decay Naked 3, but to be honest, they intimidate me. I'm better than I was, but I still have NFI what I'm doing up in the ol' socket region. I can't get the sparkly shit to translate even with eyeshadow primer or glitter glue. I can't achieve that seamless blend despite binge-watching YouTube tutorials like a mofo. I still don't know if a 'transition shade' is supposed to be darker or lighter than the crap you placed directly under it on the 'mobile lid'. And let's not get started on the seemingly impossible to achieve Cut Crease, which requires a Brain Surgeon's precision combined with the patience of a Saint (Bernard). Which brings me to....
I Used Those Sponge-Tip Applicators That Came With The Eyeshadow Palette For Way Too Long
Because I didn't know any better. They seemed to put the product on fine in my opinion and I never really had any interest in eyeshadow brushes. I don't understand how a lot of people get excited by brushes? Lipstick, blush, an eyeshadow palette, yes! A fudging brush? What's the big deal? They even make ones where the handles look like unicorn horns now. UNICORNS! If there's anything that'll turn me into a brush lover it's a holographic, spiral unicorn horn twirly brush with glitter and whatnot. But it hasn't and I'm still sticking with my motley crew of around four eyeshadow brushes, most of which I won.
Watch out for the giant pin on your next trip to Poland. I've heard it's a killer! |
I CBF With Base Coat And Rarely Apply Top Coat Either
Seriously, who has the time to apply 17 coats of nail polish to their nails? If I can find a polish that is opaque in one coat, it fast becomes my BPF (Best Polish Friend) {nail polish variety, not to be confused with the human variety of friend born in Poland. Not that I have one of those. But if I did, she would be my BHPF {Best HUMAN Polish Friend}} and I would love her forever, OK? So I haven't been using base coat, and consequently, I have bright turquoise nails right now. Without the polish. I removed the polish and my nails have been dyed an alluring shade of turquoise is what I'm saying. No amount of remover eliminated this blue tint, so I did what any sensible person would do and loaded up my claws with two coats of another polish. That shit is next week's problem. Sorry, future me!
I also never wash my limited collection of makeup brushes (OK, I've cleaned them once this year) and I'm scared setting spray will cause my makeup to run so I always chicken out at the last minute. And I once sprayed deodorant in my pits only I'd accidentally grabbed shaving cream instead, reducing my black top to a white foamy mess.
You may be interested in Top 7 Beauty Purchase Regrets!
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Disclaimer: All opinions, no matter how misguided, are my own. Handy code- FTW = For The Win. NFI = no fucking idea. CBF = can't be fucked. BPF = Best Polish Friend. BHPF = Best Human Polish Friend. Obviously.
What are your beauty confessions? Spill below so we can all laugh at, I mean with you!