Monday, May 29, 2017

Beauty Fail Confessions!

Or...

The One Where I Expose My Highly Embarrassing Beauty Failures But Hopefully Make You Feel Better About Yourself, Who Am I Kidding Everyone Is Better Than Me At This Shit.



My Waterlining Epiphany
I've only just bothered to experiment with lining my waterline this year! Now I'm not telling you my age, but that is fucking late in the scheme of things. I can't believe what a positive difference it makes to the overall look and I'm a bit stroppy I didn't try it, say, I don't know, 20 years ago. I wouldn't have minded appearing 80% sexier throughout my youth, but I guess I'll just have to put up with looking like a smouldering sex kitten now. LOL. PS, I still don't know what tightlining is.

Foundation Brush?
Umm, what's that? I've never applied my foundation with a brush and I don't intend to start now. Despite buying multiple Beauty Blender-like sponges (why buy the real deal when you can get cheap rip-offs, am I right?), I continue to use my trusty fingers for foundation application. They know what they're doing and they don't leave streaks. I do use a small makeup sponge for blending concealer over any redness and under my eyes, though, because I like to pretend I'm a proper person from time to time.

My kind of Baking. Tiny Skiing Teddies FTW!

Baking? Strobing? WTF?
To me, baking will always and forever be whipping up a batch of chocolate cupcakes, or if I'm feeling extravagant, a banana cake with walnuts and fancy cranberries. Sometimes I'll throw some mixed dried fruit in there if my family haven't pissed me off. In other words, I'm quite happy to completely ignore various beauty trends. Not just 'I can't be stuffed trying that', I mean actual hardcore 'I'm not even Googling that to find out what it is.' Is this being a bad Beauty Blogger? PROBABLY. Do I care? I think you already know the answer to that.

Saint Bernard. Photo Credit - Mary Bloom 

Eyeshadow Confuses Me
I enjoy drugstore palettes that get criticised for low colour pay-off because I'm shit at blending and they make it really hard for me to stuff up. I'm looking at you, Maybelline The Nudes. Don't get me wrong, I do own a few higher end palettes, such as the Too Faced Chocolate Bar and the Urban Decay Naked 3, but to be honest, they intimidate me. I'm better than I was, but I still have NFI what I'm doing up in the ol' socket region. I can't get the sparkly shit to translate even with eyeshadow primer or glitter glue. I can't achieve that seamless blend despite binge-watching YouTube tutorials like a mofo. I still don't know if a 'transition shade' is supposed to be darker or lighter than the crap you placed directly under it on the 'mobile lid'. And let's not get started on the seemingly impossible to achieve Cut Crease, which requires a Brain Surgeon's precision combined with the patience of a Saint (Bernard). Which brings me to....

I Used Those Sponge-Tip Applicators That Came With The Eyeshadow Palette For Way Too Long
Because I didn't know any better. They seemed to put the product on fine in my opinion and I never really had any interest in eyeshadow brushes. I don't understand how a lot of people get excited by brushes? Lipstick, blush, an eyeshadow palette, yes! A fudging brush? What's the big deal? They even make ones where the handles look like unicorn horns now. UNICORNS! If there's anything that'll turn me into a brush lover it's a holographic, spiral unicorn horn twirly brush with glitter and whatnot. But it hasn't and I'm still sticking with my motley crew of around four eyeshadow brushes, most of which I won.

Watch out for the giant pin on your next trip to Poland. I've heard it's a killer!

I CBF With Base Coat And Rarely Apply Top Coat Either
Seriously, who has the time to apply 17 coats of nail polish to their nails? If I can find a polish that is opaque in one coat, it fast becomes my BPF (Best Polish Friend) {nail polish variety, not to be confused with the human variety of friend born in Poland. Not that I have one of those. But if I did, she would be my BHPF {Best HUMAN Polish Friend}} and I would love her forever, OK? So I haven't been using base coat, and consequently, I have bright turquoise nails right now. Without the polish. I removed the polish and my nails have been dyed an alluring shade of turquoise is what I'm saying. No amount of remover eliminated this blue tint, so I did what any sensible person would do and loaded up my claws with two coats of another polish. That shit is next week's problem. Sorry, future me!

I also never wash my limited collection of makeup brushes (OK, I've cleaned them once this year) and I'm scared setting spray will cause my makeup to run so I always chicken out at the last minute. And I once sprayed deodorant in my pits only I'd accidentally grabbed shaving cream instead, reducing my black top to a white foamy mess.


You may be interested in Top 7 Beauty Purchase Regrets!




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Disclaimer: All opinions, no matter how misguided, are my own. Handy code- FTW = For The Win. NFI = no fucking idea. CBF = can't be fucked. BPF = Best Polish Friend. BHPF = Best Human Polish Friend. Obviously.

What are your beauty confessions? Spill below so we can all laugh at, I mean with you!


63 comments:

  1. I don't use any real make up. I use an eyebrow pencil for my eyebrows, as eye shadow and as eye liner... I do own so stuff but since hitting menopause some 15 years ago find it's too bloody hot to wear and just slides off so why bother. I do put a bit of cover up stuff under my eyes to cover the dark circles. One day I hope I'm brave enough not to bother at all. :D

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    1. Nothing wrong with multitasking your products! I'd love to be that brave too Sandy :)

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  2. Love your confessions! I think its so funny that you've just started experimenting with your waterline and I'm now the opposite. Its so rare I apply eyeliner in my waterline.

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  3. Hahaha I love this! I still don't understand baking either. And I rarely do a base coat or top coat, maybe that's my nail polish never lasts...


    Laura || www.thelifeoflaura.com.au xx

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    1. Hehe, thanks Laura! Who has the time or patience for top or base coat when the colour is the exciting part, lol.

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  4. Keeping it real. Love it. I had no idea makeup went 'off'. You can tell I used it a lot by that statement. My only nail polish is clear and it has to be the quick dry variety. Aint got no time for nail polish to dry. Thank you for linking up for #lifethisweek 22/52. Next week's prompt: View From Here.

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    1. Oh the quick dry nail polishes are my absolute fave too Denyse!

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  5. I love this post! I can definitely relate to a lot of your confessions. Especially when you start out with makeup, you tend to just go with the flow. It can take some time to find your style and what you look, event then I am still learning and trialling out new things.

    Rochelle || www.simplesocialsister.com

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    1. Yes it's so easy to get into a makeup rut isn't it? I'm still learning everyday!

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  6. Great post, Di! Nope, I don't bake, either, well my makeup anyway! lol xx

    Indie// In Search of the Holy Grail

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    1. Hehe, baking cakes has got to better right? Thanks Michelle! xx

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  7. Nothing to be ashamed of haha! Tightlining is basically the same as lining the waterline except on the upper lashline! It's a must for making my lashes look thicker!

    Tasha // shiwashiful.

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    1. Oh cool! Everything has such a technical name thesedays lol!

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  8. Who has time for base and top coat?! lol

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  9. Don't ask me to help you with baking or tightlining. I wouldn't have a clue either! Lol! I love this post!

    Ingrid
    http://www.fabulousandfunlife.blogspot.com.au

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    1. Thanks Ingrid! I can't be stuffed with half the beauty trends!

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  10. This is such an amazing post! I loved to read, it made me laugh so much.

    Michelle Morchella

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  11. First of all, LOVE THIS POST. Second of all, gurrrrrrrrrrrrl you don't use a base coat? Do I need to come to Adelaide to slap some sense into you? That for me is an absolute MUST since I'm fucking petrified of staining my (perfectly good without polish) nails!

    Everything else? Well, I'm still shit at applying eyeshadow (blending is not my forte & I wouldn't have a clue about transition shades - actually, half of those eyeshadow application terms confuse me), I don't bother with baking or strobing (don't even wear highlighter nor contour to begin with) & I NEVER waterline my eyes because I'm scared I'll blind myself in the process.

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    1. Thank you Shell!! Yes I'm hopeless with base and top coat but my now blue stained nails have me thinking twice and I'll probably make the effort next time!

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  12. Hahaha, I love it! We are so similar. I hardly ever line my waterline even though it makes a huge difference.
    I'm with you on the base and top coats too, who has time for that?

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    1. Yes! I think I might leave the waterlining for special occasions just to make it extra special (and cos I can't be stuffed just for school pick up!) Hehe :)

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  13. Oh my gosh noo some of these made me cringe! I never use my fingers for foundation, maybe it's just because my skin is really sensitive to bacteria! I agree though on the fact that some palettes are so intimidating!! Plus I totally don't get strobing - I need to google a bit more about it!
    X Izzy www.izzywears.com

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    1. Strobing is so confusing. So funny I made you cringe! LOL!

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  14. I'm so lazy with a top coat and base coat 😂😂🙊 I just don't have time for that!

    Stacey x
    www.staceylouisewhite.co.uk

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    1. Who does, really? Although my stained nails may argue the point! x

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  15. This was super interesting to read! I also used to use those sponge-tip applicators for eye shadow application lol but real brushes work so much better, I couldn't go back to them now :D

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    1. Haha, yes I'm a convert now too,but it did take me ages! Thanks for reading! :)

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  16. I don't know what waterlining is!!! Same with baking and strobing. And I don't wear makeup so it's a huge eye shadow fail for me. I remember learning how to put makeup on when I was young but I always looked like a bronze / pink faced clown. I'd love it have it done professionally at some point!

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    1. It would be a real pampering treat to have someone profession apply your makeup! I wish I could enjoy it but I don't like other people touching my face lol.

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  17. I'm with you on the nail polish thing. I'm lucky if I can bear to do 2 coats! I'm trying to get better and be more patient as my manicure will obvi last longer. In my party days, I accidentally used my nail polish remover as my eye makeup remover (ouch!) on several occassions! haha thanks, hangovers! xo

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    1. Haha OMG how painful! Drunk accidents are the worst, LOL! xx

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  18. Ok, I had to google water lining & tightlining, absolutely can't be faffed with foundation brushes, love love love eyeshadow palettes, do the whole 4 coats of nail polish thing and am with you on baking & strobing. Thanks for the giggle. #TeamLovinLife

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    1. I wish I could be bothered with 4 coats of polish! I love eyeshadow palettes too and I'm thinking of getting the ABH Modern Renaissance one. So pretty!

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  19. Haha I love this post! The way you've written this cracks me up! Great post :) x

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  20. Hahaha awesome post. I used to share many of these - less these days but relatable all the same. Eyeshadow continues to confuse me but I love it so I keep trying. I'm finally getting better! I have to admit though, I only started getting better when I splurged on some stupidly expensive brushes which do most of the work for me (and yes, I'm one of those weirdos who gets excited about brushes - soooooooo soft). For glitters and metallics, I still always use my finger because I can't get them to translate with a brush either haha. Strangely, I actually find my polish lasts MUCH longer if I DON'T use a base and top coat. My fingers seem to reject polish so if I use a base and top coat they peel off in one big piece after just a day T_T if I don't use base and top coat I can get a few more days out of it. Just.

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    1. Yes! I do find that applying glitter and metallic shadows with my finger over primer works better, but for some reason I still can't achieve that really sparkly look (like you see all over YouTube lol). Weird re you getting a longer lasting mani from using no top or base coat but good as it would take you less time!

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  21. i still use some sponge applicators till now! i think that they apply some colors beautifully to the eyelids :)

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    1. I had to wean myself off them, I loved them for so long, haha! :)

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  22. I still use my fingers for foundation. Brushes aren't for foundation! I tried the sponge once but somehow I seem to remove more than I apply. So I'm still Soooooooo old fashioned that I used my fingers.
    #teamlovinlife

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    1. A lot of people use fingers it seems. I don't think we are old-fashioned. At least we are not using our hubbies testicles as a beauty blender like some people!

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  23. Haha - I use my fingers for foundation too! Best way - why let a sponge suck up all that stuff you've paid for? I don't wear eye shadow anymore - just doesn't do a thing for me. Either that or I have no clue how to do it right. Probably both! As for my nails, I'm so lazy that I go get them done these days - once I notice they're looking shabby, off I go. It's the massage chair that did it! :-) #TeamLovinLife

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    1. Ooh I haven't had a professional manicure in ages, I think I'm due for one!

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  24. OMG Di you are a riot - haven't laughed so much over a post in a long time, talk about hitting the (turquoise stained) nail on the head!!!!! As I said on Insta, I can SO relate. Discovered tight and waterlining at age 56, foundation fingers were fine until 6 months ago when I bought a terrific Chi Chi dome brush (pats self on back), baking my under eye area magnifies my eye bags to the size of skip bins, I suspect strobing involves something outrageously shimmery so forget that, and if I had a crease I might try cutting it. You are not alone sweetheart ♥♥♥

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    1. Haha yes! Another late bloomer when it comes to waterlining, that makes me feel better! OOh I don't think I'll attempt baking if it magnifies eyebags, I already have enough problems concealing those, then there's the under eye lines to contend with too. *stained nail High Five!* xxx

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  25. I'm not entirely sure i know what your talking about - what is waterlining???

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    1. It's lining with eyeliner the inner rim of your lower eyelid, the bit where it touches your eyeball. Scary stuff! LOL

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  26. I have no idea what water lining is. I apply foundation with my fingers. My fave lippy is from rimmel. I use a contouring brush for eyeshadow. I have no fancy eyeshadow palettes and can't apply eyeliner. So there you go!

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    1. Haha yay, love this! I love that we are not all experts. Some of my fave lippies are from Rimmel too, they make the best formulas!

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  27. I basically do the same routine with make-up that I have been doing since I was 16. I little foundation with my fingers, a little bronzer, a little mascara. I am not fancy. My sister and my brother both work in the beauty industry and I am envious of their faces - but in all honesty, I don't have the time for it all.

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    1. Nothing wrong with that Shari! Thanks for reading :)

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  28. I too had the stained turquoise nail beds. I do love a good makeup brush and I really like a cheaper one that I grabbed in Priceline. Waterlining - I didn't even know what that was!

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    1. Stained nails are the worst, I can't remember the last time it happened, but what a pain!

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  29. I love this and can totally relate! I never wear eye shadow, have no idea what to do with a foundation brush, had to google waterlining, although I am a fan of the base and top coat! I'd totally fail as a beauty blogger! Side note: your banana bread recipe sounds delish!

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    1. Aah thanks! I love making banana cakes! I'm glad you can relate, too!

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  30. Hilarious. Just off to google baking?

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    1. I can't even be bothered googling, it's to do with powder though I think!

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  31. You know when they do those Youtube make up tutorials and it's so easy, then you try and you end up looking like a panda? Just me then? Make up is a waste of my time and energy.

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